I stepped out of my zone this week when I apologized for something I didn't do because I thought it would help the situation. I have no problem saying I'm sorry or admitting when I'm wrong, but saying it for something I clearly didn't do upsets me. I've tried going down that road before with others and it doesn't always work. But I truly believed this friendship was more important than being upset about who said I'm sorry first.
I know it will all blow over and hopefully by me making a move that should have come from others will get us all on the road to forgiveness. Right?
Saying you are sorry and meaning it... that's the key. Did you do something wrong - somebody thinks so and it is for them you are saying you are sorry.
ReplyDeleteNow, the secret is to forgive them and leave it behind.
Let's do it together. "I forgive you."
MK
You are a very loving and gracious friend!
ReplyDeleteThis is so weird, because a little while ago I was thinking about forgiveness. Honestly, I really don't like the spin that has been put on it today by people like Oprah. The Oprah brand of forgiveness isn't really forgiveness at all, it's coming to terms with whatever has happened. And, while that is critically important for victims if they are to move on and have peace, it is NOT forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn't something that you do for yourself, it's something that you graciously extend to someone who has hurt you.
In order to receive forgiveness a person first has to be sorry. Then she has to express that sorrow to the person she offended. (Think about it, God is the most Gracious of all persons, and even He requires us to be sorry and express our sorrow to Him before He will forgive us).
What if a person isn't sorry? What if someone does something awful to someone and is glad they did it? The victim comes along and says, "You did this awful thing to me, but I want you to know that I forgive you." What if the offender responds by laughing, or says, "F-you, I don't want your forgiveness. You deserve what you got!" OR "I don't need your forgiveness, I didn't do anything wrong!"
I think that the whole point of forgiveness is reconciliation. Without it, forgiveness is meaningless--nothing has really changed in the relationship between the offended and the offender.
Just my 2 cents :-) I hope that your friend truly appreciates what a treasure she has in you <3.
Miss you. Susan (tea-and-c.blogspot.com)
Sue,
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you, that to receive forgiveness a person has to be sorry but it can be healing for the person who also said I'm sorry first even if they don't receive the response they hoped for.
It could make all the difference in the world of the attitude of the person who apologized to know they tried and did what they could.
If the relationship dies, they know they tried and maybe it's just not meant to be anymore. Time to move on and find people who will appreciate the person you are.
Oh, yes, I agree with you. I think saying, "I'm sorry," in an effort to save a relationship, is very healing (even if the other person doesn't accept the apology). Like you said, at least you know that you did everything you could to make amends.
DeleteI was just thinking about forgiveness in general, and how it is viewed differently today.
Annie, I agree that Forgivness is a great healing factor for both parties. Yes, the offender must be truly sorry and admit what they have done. This in its self can be the hardest things a person can do. But what follows is just as important. Either forgive and forget and get on with your friendship, or if Not possible, then forgive and get on with it WITHOUT this person in your life. There is nothing left to do. It's up to the person who has been offeneded, and how badly they perceive the offence was. It's up to them if they choose to stay friends or not. I don't know what you're talking about, but I hope it works out for you. Sue
ReplyDeleteSometimes for healing to occur, the other person needs to know you are sorry. I once told my daughter "I'm sorry I wasn't the mother you would have liked me to be". I felt that whether or not I was in the wrong wasn't the point, she needed to hear that and I expressed it in a way that was authentic for me.
ReplyDeletewalk in beauty.
If my mother ever made a statement like the one you made to your daughter, who knows where or how good our relationship could have been. But that would NEVER be anything my mother would do. So, I learned to live with the hurt and resentment and get on with my life. Cause in the long run, I was the only person dwelling on it. I'm glad you gave your daughter those words. It was alovely thing to do.
ReplyDelete